I used to think everyone else knew better than I did. Even though the Universe always spoke to me, I didn’t listen. I mean, why would God speak to an asthmatic girl growing up in a poor, abusive home? It made no sense. Surely there were more appropriate people in the world that could share His message. And so I went from healer to healer seeking answers: Sound Healing, Reiki, Theta Healing(r), Chakra Healing, Prayer Circles, EFT, Pranic Healing, Chanting, Angels, Shamanic Healing, Moonlight, and so many more, that I could write 10 pages and still not be done.
I drank elixirs mixed with gemstones and blessed by Dolphins, burned incense made from who-the-heck-knows and had to throw open the doors and windows in my house to remove the stench, put papers printed with Sacred Geometry all over my home and taped to the inside of my shoes, stared at the sun willing it to enlighten me, and read endless numbers of metaphysical books. If it wasn’t illegal, I dove headfirst.
And the end result was…disappointing. My life improved, but so infinitesimally that I despaired of ever finding peace. Of ever being truly at home with myself. Of ever letting go of the pain and trauma that had been my life for as long as I could remember. Negativity and reactivity dogged my every step.
Until the day I cried out to God that I had had enough. “NO MORE! I cried. NO MORE! I want to be happy, God. Why is this not working?! I’m trying everything I can find. Why aren’t you helping me?” I wept for hours. I was at my wits end and desperate for answers. I knew I could not go one more day with this gnawing ache of empty sadness in my heart. When my sobs subsided, God answered. I won’t share word for word what was said, that would take too long. But, in essence, God told me that the answer was inside of me and that I was using these modalities as a panacea. Because, the longer I continued to seek, the more unavailable I became to the truth.
I was playing Russian Roulette with my life, expecting eenie, meenie, minee and mo to fix me. But that set me up for endless suffering and needless pain. Because, the truth is, I’m not broken.
And neither are you.
We are soul/spirit/energy. We came here to experience being human. And no matter how much we want to pretend that isn’t so, or delude ourselves into wishing away the parts we don’t want, we cannot. Like it or not, we have the responsibility of creating our lives. (I could go into Karma, and why bad things happen to good people, but not now. I’ll save that for another day.)
What I learned is that endless seeking takes us off the path of going within because we’re expecting slavish dependence upon a tactic to fix us. We don’t need fixing. We need to remember how powerful we are. We don’t need co-dependence on modalities, we need to tell ourselves the truth and face it—the good, bad and the ugly—and allow Universal Grace to pave the way forward.
Your pain is trying to enlighten you. Let it! And then e x p a n d and let it go.
Stop shoving away your pain because its inconvenient or not acceptable to show how you really feel. Get off the emotional see/saw and reclaim your feminine power. This is what will transform your life—I know that you feel the truth of this to the depths of your soul.
Beginning this month, I will be hosting a series of Live Broadcasts under the auspices of Own Your DarknessTM, a new way of harnessing the energies of personal negativity to enlighten and expand your connection to your soul, beliefs, physical body, energy and thoughts, so that you can see yourself as you truly are: A Powerful Creator.
Hold these dates on your calendar:
Live Broadcast #1 — Saturday, March 18th, 3:00pm Eastern/12:00pm Pacific/8:00pm UK
Stop Circling the Drain: Finally Commit to the Transformation You Want in Your Life, Body and Business
Live Broadcast #2 — Sunday, April 2nd, 3:00pm Eastern/12:00pm Pacific/8:00pm UK
Own Your DarknessTM: Get Off The Emotional See/Saw and Reclaim Your Feminine Power
Live Broadcast #3 — Sunday, April 9th, 3:00pm Eastern/12:00pm Pacific/8:00pm UK
The Sacred Heritage of The Feminine: Truth, Mysticism & The Infinite Wisdom of The Cosmic Womb
Live Broadcast #4 — Saturday, April 15th, 3:00pm Eastern/12:00pm Pacific/8:00pm UK
Goddess, Witch, Mother, Whore: The Profane, Profound & Maligned Roles of The Sacred Feminine
Keep your eyes on your inbox for details and links to the broadcasts as we get closer to the dates.
You are whole and Divine, a powerful Creatrix. And your time is now.
be Wild be Bold be FREE